I know I am not completely finished, but it is honestly so satisfying to say I wrote the last section of the paper.
Overall, I think the strongest part of my paper is probably the lit review section. It took about three tries but... I finally got somewhere I was really proud of that actually flowed logically and justified all of my parts and focused on the deeper root of what I wanted to discuss, the cycle of parent and child in capitalism. Before implementing my methods, I realized that my lit review really was not aligned with the deeper implications of what I was trying to figure out. Shifting the focus ultimately lead me to adding the thematic analysis portion. This part was very transformative and therefore the pieces seemed to fall into place a lot easier, which I think is represented well in my literature review. I think there is a lot of theoretical information, but I was able to explain it in a way that makes sense to readers.
I think the weakest section of my paper are the transitions especially between sections like methods, results, and discussions. Luckily the subtopic of "methods" helps, but I still don't want it to be as shocking throwing information in there.
I also feel a little unsure about my discussion. More specifically, I feel like there is good information in there about the different parts, but again it is connecting all of the ideas. Also I almost feel like I am undermining my research because it feels like there are infinite ways to analyze Disney films. While my results were kind of anti-climactic, there is some interesting findings and I want the significance to be accurately shown.
Another huge thing, is that I am wayyyy over the word count. I still have to cut some parts like in my methods section I adjusted some of the way my numbers were analyzed, however, this will not entirely fix the problem. So if there are any sections that are wordy or seem aimless please comments so that I can cut down on some words.
I am pretty excited for peer review, not going to lie. I look forward to improving my own paper, reading my peers' papers, helping them improve, and learning from their papers. I know there is still more effort that I can put into my paper and I look froward to polishing the finished project!
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Overall your paper is interesting and well-detailed. Content-wise you have everything you need. Like you said in your blog post, the transitions and some of the organization are the places that need the most work, but are the easiest to fix.
ReplyDeleteI made a copy of your paper and wrote comments on it (it made it easier for me to make this summary type comment). If anything in this overview comment doesn’t make sense then look at the version of your paper I have in my Google Docs folder and hopefully it’ll be helpful in some way.
Literature Review: I agree with you that it is definitely one of your strongest sections. You managed to pack a lot of detail and logically explain each complicated part of your research question. You pointed out the gap in a clear way and I especially liked your explanation of the parallels between Disney and Marxism, establishing Disney as a producer, but more than that as run by adults motivated by the desire to teach morals and to create this ideal childhood experience.
There are only two places in your literature review that I think can be improved. The first is when you are explaining Disney as a for-profit company. Here, the wording is confusing and I was confused about the difference between the earnings of Disney the company, Walt Disney Studios, and Buena Vista. I didn’t understand the comparison. What does Disney hold the largest portion of? The market share? Compared to other studios? It could also just be me who doesn’t understand, because I can be dumb.
The second place is where you talk about (last paragraph of “Applying Marxist Theory to Disney Movies” section) gender roles of parents versus children. I think this part could probably be cut down and made more concise. The last line about how new movies have shown more gender diversity kind of comes out of nowhere and might be better included in the discussion section? That way you can put a transition here about how these gender roles form a family and then talk about the family structure. I feel like you talk about gender roles in more detail later on too, so this paragraph seems out of place to me.
Methods: I thought this part, too, could be the most cut down. You transitioned well because you have an overview of your research before you go into the specifics. You could try splitting it into a content analysis and a thematic analysis part. That way it’s more clear, and you might be able to cut down on words as you don’t have to go back and forth. I think you don’t need to justify why your research is useful if the averages are close, as this can be in your discussion section. You should also mention if the numbers you assign for each category are arbitrary, for comparison purposes, or have a reason. I think you could probably cut down the part where you justify why you chose movies after 1970's. I go into more detail in my comment, but you could just say that the family structure has not changed in these movies much since then.
Results: Overall, pretty organized and clear. I think some more conversation between families that fit and don’t fit should be done. And then maybe a table depicting the movies that followed the child rebelled theme or gives in eventually or gives in immediately would be interesting and save you words.
Discussion: I think you shouldn’t be as worried about this part as you are. The part about where you talk about future research in regards to the context of the company can be cut down to lower word count. In terms of your worries that mentioning your limitations/future directions will undermine your research, you could include a statement at the end that your research has begun to fill the gap and has established that Disney does not follow capitalist structure, but more research can be done to further support this or explore other time periods and characters.
Overall, your paper has everything it needs to succeed. There are only a few minor things that I could find for you to improve upon and make more clear. Once you get word count down, you should be good! Sorry for the long comment!!
Grace,
ReplyDeleteI think your paper is really good and well on its way to being a great paper. My comments are largely about what you said in the post. I feel like you use the subtitles as a crutch to avoid transitions, but maybe if you tried connecting the sections a bit more, it will strengthen your argument. In your discussion, I feel like you need to talk more about significance and maybe just directly state your final answer to your research question because one clear answer is never provided. You are doing great!! Can't wait to see what your paper turns out to be
Hey Grace!
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad I got to read your paper! It's really interesting and I love how you combined something you obviously love with something that it seemed it could never be combined with.
First, I did the same thing as Sunskruthi and I made a copy of your paper so I could comment on it and not make your copy look like a train wreck in the margins.
Second, I agree that you're literature review is really strong. The only thing I'll say because the rest is in my comments is that the for-profit/consumerism is really prevalent in your paper, but the first time you introduced that Disney was a for-profit company, I felt like it came out of nowhere. I lied: I have one more thing to say. You mentioned in the post that you felt your weaknesses were your transitions. i'm going to second Max in saying that you kind of use the subheadings as a way to transition, but sometimes it just comes off as a jarring change in thought. That being said, your subtitles were good, except for the "Research Question" one. All of the other ones were descriptive and that one just felt kinda blah? Idk
Third: your methods section is really clear and well-thought out. The first paragraph is fantastic because I feel like it functions like the abstract of your methods section in that it tells me what decisions you made, and I can expect to read about the rationale behind those decisions. But unlike your literature review, which was really concise, I felt like you got too bogged down in explanations and this section got really wordy.
Fourth: you're results section was really clear and concise and the tables were easy to follow. You stayed on track and didn't really provide any interpretations in this section.
Fifth: I think you're discussion is actually the best section of your paper because you interpret your results and relate them back to the hypothesis concisely and you were able to reiterate the significance of your research. I see future directions, but limitations?
Anyway, it looks so, so great! Awesome job!
Thank you guys so much for the detailed comments! I definitely felt like I relied on the subtopics to transition so I will look at those more carefully and connect the sections of the research process. I look forward to reading your papers. I actually am pretty good with the word count, so I am planning on adding more to my discussion in order to clearly flesh out the things you all mentioned in your comments. To me, I felt like I hinted at those things but yes clearly they were not explicitly articulated. With the rest of the words that I have, I will be beefing up my discussion.
ReplyDeleteGrace -- I look forward to going through your edited paper with your next Monday. I would definitely work on rethinking the results section, as we discussed during our meeting. Also, look at my comment on your previous post to gain a little more clarity on the discussion section.
ReplyDeleteI know it feels like there are infinite ways to analyze Disney films, but you're specifically looking at the films in terms of how they do or do not promote consumerism, so just exist within that niche when going into your discussion.